That Nagging Feeling

So yeah the normal disclaimer remains in effect I'm not going to gloss over it, I just need to get down to business. I just feel this need to write, metaphorically speaking of course because I'm actually typing... if this was the written word from me most of you would be trying to figure out if you were reading a blog or attempting to learn Sanskrit, I digress.


That nagging feeling has been forcing its way into my thoughts again. That nagging feeling that I shouldn't be here, that I should be deployed. That feeling that no matter what I could do more there than I can here. It's the most aggravating feeling in the world. It's driving me nuts. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, one of the Marines I worked with in Guard Company (the Bastard child of Marine Barracks Washington) is laid up in Bethesda, sedated, intubated, and undergoing constant surgeries after surviving an IED blast that took his legs. And there's that feeling that had I been there, he'd be out walking patrols and not lying in a bed fighting for his future. I know it doesn't make sense, but it is what it is. 


It's weird though because we spent some time with his family tonight and I was humbled by their strength and resilience. Just blown away. There is something that stuck out though. I mean the conversation about war was skirted around the entire evening. We talked politics, green energy, global warming, stories of their son and the antics he used to pull, but then, then we hit something when we discussed war. Because their questions, like many others, including my own, was, "Why are we still there? What's it all for? What are we trying to accomplish? What did he lose his legs for?" There it is. 


The fucked up thing is I agree with them yet I still want to go back. I just don't understand what's going on in my own fucking head. It just doesn't make any fucking sense. I've been screaming about getting the fuck out of Afghanistan for a good minute now but I want to go back. It's crazy. We do good things over there that are never put on the news here because good news doesn't sell. That's bullshit in and of itself. But even with doing all this good shit the people we are fighting are trying to maim us and not necessarily kill us. Fuck burying someone, make them suffer through something horrendous. Yet we're still fucking there and I still want to go back.... no sense.


Now don't get me wrong, I completely agree with the other 99% throughout the world that are currently protesting in more places than I can remember. I agree that corporations have gotten away with a lot of fucked up shit and should be held accountable just like the rest of us. I agree with the basic grievance that they are protesting. Now their demands, half of those are bat shit crazy and don't stand in line with what they are protesting. But this isn't a discussion about their demands. This is something different. Why is it that in Vietnam millions protested against the war, but in 2011 they are protesting the corporations? Can someone explain that to me please? Do these people not realize that if we stopped the war our country would be a hell of a lot better off than it is now? This is our first problem that needs to be fixed. As much as I want to go back, it needs to end. And it needs to end, not soon, but NOW. Once we stop spending billions upon billions of dollars on wars that we no longer need to fight, then we should address the shit corporations have gotten away with for so long. 


Will someone please explain to me why protesting the war hasn't taken a priority? Not the troops, the war. It's not unpatriotic to tell our government we need to stop this war. It's just not. Protesting the troops is an entirely different thing. I think that's disgraceful considering the people that are running the government are the reason we're still fucking there. Protest those bitches. Protest the war. Stand up to Washington and say, "HEY, we need to stop this NOW." 


I just don't get it. We're still there and we shouldn't be but all I want to do is go back. 


Fuck.