World of War-On-Terrorcraft by D. James Davis

Ok people so the most glorious writer Dan Davis sent me this little tidbit of awesomeness last night. Alas I did not read it until this morning because I was in a drug induced pass out period because of the roughness of the past few days. BTW the Ambien/Prozasin/Octoberfest cocktail I took last night worked pretty damn well, but I digress. This is by far the best comparison that I have read concerning warfare. If you are a video game junkie you will appreciate this on an enormous level and if you aren't you'll still understand and relate to the vast majority of it.

So before you get to the meat and potatoes I want you to take the time to book mark his website and then take a read through it when you get a chance. I HIGHLY recommend reading The Diary of a Lazy Hero because it's fucking EPIC. Anyways here's his site:

D. James Davis

Also since I'm all about pimping take a second to vote for his short quip on the Facebook Reader's Digest Competition.

Toying with the Psychiatrist

Without further adieu I present the awesomeness of D. James Davis...

WORLD OF WAR-ON-TERRORCRAFT: Explaining America’s Long War in Video Game Terms

By D. James Davis

Over the years, a lot of people have asked me to talk about the war. Not what it was like. They don’t want to know about the mud and the blood and the horrible things. And it’s just as well. I wouldn’t tell them, anyway. People with a finer gift for words than I’ll ever have have written plenty on the subject. I’d tell people to read them instead.

No, what people want to hear from me is the “Big Picture,” foreign policy stuff: Should we be there? Can we win? What are we even fighting for, and when do you think it’ll be over?

And as anyone who’s ever asked me these questions can tell you, I usually don’t say much. There’s a reason for that. It’s not that I don’t have an opinion. It’s that I can’t divorce that opinion from all the stuff I don’t want to talk about: The mud and the blood and the horror.

You see, if I say something they don’t agree with, there’ll be a debate. And it’s a debate I don’t want. They’ll be debating politics and abstract concepts, while I’ll be debating memories that keep me from ever sleeping soundly. No matter what happens next, I’ll leave the situation much worse for wear, and much more upset. So I generally just stay quiet. And besides, people are going to think whatever the hell they want to, anyway.

But today I feel the need to say something. And it has nothing to do with seeing a commentator on CNN, or an Op-ed piece on MSN. It has nothing to do with any of the political, big picture stuff. It’s because of the blood and the mud and the horrible stuff.

Very recently, a friend of mine named Cory wrote something. Cory is one of those people I told you about, with a finer gift for words than I’ll ever have. He wrote about what he was feeling after a young Marine of his came home a double amputee. Cory speaks volumes about the anguish we all feel when one of our brothers comes home less than whole. The anguish we feel at the injustice of it all. And through it all is the same question we’ve all had: Why?

That’s what we want to know. Why did this happen to us? Why are we suffering? Why are we putting our lives on the line?And under that is another question: How much is enough? How much more do I have to suffer before this thing is over?

Well, I have an answer for that. But it isn’t a pretty one.

So without further ado, here it is. My explanation of America’s Global War on Terror. Framed completely within video game references, so as to be easily understood by the twenty-something civilian college demographic.


PART 1: Historical Context -

The majority of America’s past wars were like the early-generation console games. They all had a victory condition: a set of criteria that meant we successfully beat the war.

For example, the American Revolution had the victory condition of securing autonomous government. Failure to meet this condition would have meant we didn’t win.

This is analogous to Nintendo’s 1986 classic, “The Legend of Zelda.” In order to win the game, the player needs to rescue Princess Zelda. Failure to meet this criteria means you don’t win.

The American Civil War had the victory condition of regaining control over the secessionist states.

This is similar to the Gameboy versions of “Pokemon,” in which the player’s goal is to “catch ‘em all.”

World War II had a more abstract victory condition, but a victory condition nonetheless: the unconditional surrender of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan.

This is most analogous to “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.” We had to defeat an overwhelmingly superior opponent, and it was only made possible through hard work, dedication, and by dropping the equivalent of the “Game Genie” on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

In short, they were winnable.


Part 2: The MMORPG model, or “How they convince you to pay $15.99 per month for a game you already own.” -

America’s Global War on Terror, by contrast is more like Blizzard’s “Word of Warcraft.”

We invaded Afghanistan in late 2001. We began attacking terror cells and Taliban strongholds, which is similar to WoW’s “instances” or dungeons. They’re short-term endeavors, and each individual dungeon has a victory condition, like killing a “boss” or cell leader. And, much like the WoW dungeons, you can hit the same one over and over again. It doesn’t seem to make too much difference either way.

But “instances” aside, the overall war effort is like the World of Warcraft game itself. There is no victory condition. You can set yourself a goal as a player. For example, you may really want to beat that 80th-level Osama Bin Laden dungeon. And you may even succeed. But in the end, you still haven’t beaten the game. It’s still there.

You can play forever. You can buy the Iraq and Libya expansion packs. And for a while, that’s new and exciting. You’re so caught up in all the new dungeons that you don’t notice it’s still the same game. And you’ll just keep playing, until you get tired of wasting your life and your money on it, and move onto something else.

So in sum, the War on Terror will only end when America decides it has better things to do than sit in it’s mom’s basement and obsess over an ultimately un-winnable game.

Shit. Maybe we just need to go out and get laid.